Most of the days I have been getting on to a good start with SU in the gym. Even though she is heavier than me, she is pretty, sweet, very affable, and very friendly.

Today after the work out she invited me to her home. I said fine and went along. Nice place she has. Folks were not at home then. So told me to make myself comfortable and went to change.

SU came back wearing a pleasant light blue top and a shorts that stopped a little above her knee. SU, you look cool, I told her while taking from her the plate of biscuits and soft drink. She flashed a sweet smile and said thank you.

We then moved to her room. There she put on the TV and we resumed talking, joking, giggling. It was only natural we slipped into the experiences we had. So she began telling how she used to freak out with her boyfriend.

It seems one evening they went on a date. After some rounds of the city, they got into a pub. Since her folks were away, she called him home. They carried home some drinks. They hit high spirits and were fast shedding any little inhibitions they had.

He was sitting on the couch and then pulled over. She slumped on to his lap as he hugged her tight. Cheeks brushed in caring harmony and then their lips locked in sublime delight. She could feel the inevitable hardness in him, as they caressed each other. Soon the clothes slipped off and he got in and out of her. Then she went down on him. They had rollicking fun for a good two hours.

The relationship did not last. SU says he was just using her and not caring for her pleasure. She now avoids him. But SU still misses him. I asked SU if you don’t like her how are you missing him. Then I understood she was missing the good times and not he.

I told SU my experiences. I was also a time for me to reveal my mixed orientation, which sometimes confused me rather than helped me. I told her how bad experiences with guys had made me enjoy girls better, how I felt much more comfortable with women than with men. While she was narrating all those, I was getting really excited. As I crossed my legs I could feel how much wet I had become. My nipples too we getting tight, as I shifted on my seat.

I still don’t if SU will like to have any relation with me or if she is purely straight. I am a little apprehensive of asking her. Since she didn’t show any disapproval at least I am sure she must be respecting my preference.

Since both of us were getting late, we decided to split for the day. I felt good that both SU had I had got much closer than before.

My gym workouts are going on okay. So far so good. Yesterday I spent some time with my gym friend SU after the workout. It’s only some 10 days since we have known each other. But we seem to be getting along well. She is much fatter that I am, and she is trying hard to reduce weight.

Earlier I used to feel shy to wear tight clothes to the gym. But I have seen SU in tights. Her tits are well projected so too her thighs and bottom. She doesn’t feel shy at all. That has made me too bold. So last two days I put on a slightly more figure hugging top and track suit. I am basically shy and if I have to expose I need to be quite comfortable.

I was telling SU how I used to feel shy with my figure hugging dresses though I do want to wear them and show off. She told why the f we should feel shy. I could see her eyes fall on my tits of which she might have had a good side view.

We spent time talking about movies, songs, about our offices and friends. We were discussing our past relations and how weak I am, how I used to be taken for a ride emotionally and physically by almost anyone. She too seems to have had her own ups and downs. She seems to have split with her bf. She said she will tell me more another day and we split for the day.

I have been looking around for a gym. Found one. Been going there for a few days. My worry is I may become lazy and discontinue it. That will be bad. It has happenened to be before. Hopefully I will be regular. I used to be shy in the gym. But over time I have overcome that. I am paired with a girl who seems to be more serious than me.

Can’t believe I have been away for so long. More than a year. Well many things have happened. I have been in and out of friends. Moved to another city and I have new job and a new boss and new colleagues. Let me hope it will be fine. More later.

I am weak in relationships. I am beginning to feel increasingly like that. It’s for the first time I am living away from home having, been with folks all through my studies. Now I got a job away from home and my parents, though concerned, let me go to a different city and live. Im under pressure both from my boyfriend and girlfriend.

During studies it was girls with whom I spent more time. When I was 17, there was one classmate who was particularly close to me. We were good friends and she used to come to my house very often. Even when she closed to door of my room, my parents never objected. She was much more aggressive and smarter than me. As everyone we also used to discuss all naughty things, boys, girls, sex and everything thing related to it.

One day when she came home parents had just gone out. She was quite bubbly. As we joked and laughed about tits, she groped me on my boobs. Taken aback, I moved her hand away. But, later I realised that she quite charmingly strong, and so she persuaded me and ensured that I enjoyed the experience. She also got me to massage her tits as well, and she kissed and later smooched me. This was the first physical contact ever with any person.

I was curious. One it was done secretly and there was an element of adventure to it. She used to bring my favourite chocobars; and I love sweets of that kind.  When she came, if I was in the mood, which she was an expert at guessing, she made the first move. In fact it was she who always made the first move. She would first kiss me, massage my boobs over the top I was wearing, then slowly put her hand inside, and run her fingers all over, even down below. She will get me excited, which would put me in the mood and I would do the same things to her. We fingered.

After the initial hesistation I was beginning to enjoy it all. We gradually went to the extent spending about an hour a week doing it. In fact, when she came, I was beginning to look forward to it. It was a deep relationship.

After our studies, she moved away to another college. I was in deep depression. But at the same time, I was steady with a boyfriend. That was another big mess I fell into. In order to overcome the absence of my girlfriend, I began to give into the guy. I did all that he wanted. I smoked, drank, let him kiss me, grope me, touch me. I knew I was week, but he was sweet and so wonderful, so I thought if not girl, this guy is satisfying me. One evening I ended up at his house and got laid for the first time. We did it once, and then again. It happened again. After a few months, I fet he was suspicious since I was close to girls as well. Also, I began to see many other girls with him.

One day the sort of intimacy he showed to another girl in front of me gave me the feeling he isn’t interested in me. He wasn’t sincere, that he was using me. Slowly I wasn’t getting the sort of happiness I used to get from him. I found he was drinking far too often than before. Over a few months, he curtly told me he was leaving the city as he landed a new job. I wasn’t regretting it so much.

I have been careful, and never got into a deep relationship. It’s these two intial experiences that has confused me. I found my relationshiop with the girl much easier to handle than with the guy. She was understanding me much better. It is all over in another place.

Here I am in a new place, new people, new friends. As both girls and boys try to befriend me, I am careful. One reason, is the utter confusion about myself.

The hangover of last evening’s 4 hours of outing has left a very sweet aftertaste. He fills my mind, he fills my time, the fills my thoughts. This is the first time I’m away from my folks, on my own. So last evenings outing was special. I’m free to do what I want to. I’ve lots desires. The freedom is tempting me to give expression to my fantasies.

My roomie was very excited today. I dont konw what she was upto yesterday. May be something similar to what I was up to. As I was looking out through the window, she came from behind, and hugged me with her arms clasped around my stomach. She kissed my back and pressed her face. As she ran her lips over the back of my neck, the tickle sent a wave of excitement down. She had a cigarette in her hand. She placed it on my lips. I sucked it deep, and let the smoke out.

I wasn’t sure what she was up to. But she seemed to be enjoying pressing her chest against her back. She let loose her arm, turned to the right and planted a sweet kiss on my cheeks as we joked and laughed over all the naughty things she takes so much delight in talking about. 

I sprang out of bed with excitement. Because, today was the day I would be going out with Brads. I had to go to office. But since boss was going out of station, I could get back home by 2 pm.

After lunch I got busy deciding what to wear. I didn’t want to give away too much on the first day. At the same time, I didn’t want to look so boring. I was a bit confused as to which bra I should wear, since I had a few with various amounts of padding. I wear a padded bra to the office generally. It makes me feel confident and peppy.

Now I didn’t want to wear one which gave a totally wrong dimension of my figure. But at the same time I wanted one that he would like. So, I wore one which enhanced my feature somewhat more than that I have. Then, I pulled up a new blue jeans and red top that wasn’t too loose. I spent some time before the mirror turning around all sides, and I was quite happy the way I looked.

Around 4 we met at the chosen place. We reached almost simultaneously. He pulled up the car a couple of minutes after I reached there. I was casually by quite nicely dressed. This is my first outing here and one after a long time. As I settled down in my seat, he extended his left hand, palm upwards; I kept my right on it as we clasped our palm and I felt he squeezed my hand gently. We looked at each other and smiled. I felt really good.

So, where do we head for I asked? Where ever you want, dear, he said. As we cracked jokes and talked nonsense, he drove out of the city for a distance.  We stopped at a roadside eatery to have tea and stretch oursevles. Then, we drove back. I guess he too was nervous during this first trip.

We drove into a pub, and settled in a quiet corner. Ordered draught beer and lots of finger chips and fried ground nuts. I didn’t know he smoked. Until I saw the packet of cigarettes. I haven’t been a smoker really, though my sister smokes. Now that I am away from home, I did buy. Initially Brads seemed to be a bit nervous to let me know that he smoked. But when I told him I too smoked occasionally, he seemed to be completely relaxed. We lit up cigarettes and drank mugs of beer. But we were careful not to have too much, bec he had to drive.

I didn’t want this evening to end. Actually wanted to just keeping on drinking and smoking… But It was a time that was well spent. Relaxed a lot, got to know Brads. He dropped me back home; and we kissed each other goodbye. I changed and within minutes of hitting the bed, with romantic of thoughts of the wonderful evening to drifted into sleep quickly.

Haven’t just been getting time to write. Work, work, work. It has been really hectic. I used to come home a bit late and on a few days I was even took tired to watch TV. In between two days back my friend Brads and I did get some time to spend together. I excused myself for two hours from office during a lean patch of time and got out with him. It was the first time I was going to spend so much time with him and I didn’t know how it would go. He said we will drive around for a while and then have lunch. I said yes. Basically he is quite affable,and a nice sense of humour. We discussed movies to books to politics to cooking to travel. He likes to drive. I didn’t tell him that I would like to be driven around. Then he would have said okay we will go tomorrow and I would have had difficulty saying no, and all complications. We went to chic restaurant. The best part is, we have decided to meet on Saturday. Wow!

This guy about whom I was talking last time is really sweet. He calls himself Brads though that has nothing to do with his real name. He doesn’t work in my office. But keeps coming for work with us, and also meets boss. We first began interacting very officially for work. Slowly I think we have finding some common wavelength.

It’s good to have someone like that who is of your wavelength, is it not? Brads is considerate even if not loving. Because, the last boyfriend showed all signs of love; but somehow I felt it wasn’t coming from the depth of his heart. He can hold hands, hug, kiss and do whatever, but it is not an extension of a deep longing, it’sn’t genuine.

That’s why I am going slow on Brads as well. Guys do everything to win a girl’s heart, but I think girls must wait to see if that’s a real effort. I don’t know, that’s what I feel after my experiences. I am ready for causal flings, I think I am. But I must know it’s a casual fling, so I won’t get too involved.  

O, it’s so confusing! At home my room mate girl friend is getting closer and closer. At office, my boss, whose secretary I am, is trying hard to impress me! Can you beat that?! I thought as an employee it was I who should impress him!

Yesterday, he was in such a relaxed mood, he told me to come with him for lunch. He’s an impressive guy. Probably it’s my longingness for someone that’s making me think he’s showing off. He deseves credit and admiration. He is young, tough, and quite efficient. I’ve never given a chance to him to shout at me. I dread the day he may get angry with me. He was praising my work and said my command over English was very good. I blushed but he lifted my mood so much.

When I came home, my room mate asked me why I was in such high spirits. I didn’t say anything but flashed a sweet smile. There was one more reason for feeling so good. I seemed to be vibing well with a guy. He is such a sweet, so softspoken, helpfull and considerate… More later…